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Another quality that helps us achieve success is called resiliency. We have written about that topic in the past, and this week we have more information on resilience as described by a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Resilience: The Seven Strengths If you've lived through a troubled childhood and come out on top, you can thank a handful of personal strengths that have allowed you to build a better life. Some of these are personality traits with which you were born; others you developed at an early age. Psychiatrist Steven Wolin and development psychologist Sybil Wolin identify seven such strengths, which they call resiliencies, in their book The Resilient Self, based on their work with adult survivors of adversity. Insight: You ask tough questions of yourself and others and don't shy away from honest answers. As a child you became a careful observer and learned to rely on your own interpretations of events, not on what others told you. As an adult you've learned to see things as they are and refuse to blame yourself for your family's troubles. Independence: You've learned to separate yourself both physically and emotionally from your family's problems. As a child, when things got tough at home, you escaped-to a friend's house, into school activities, into your books or hobbies. When you grew up you may have moved out of town and curtailed visits home. When you do visit, you've learned to avoid letting family members draw you into their unhappiness. Relationships: You've developed close relationships to substitute for the ones you couldn't achieve with those who failed you. As a child you learned to keep an eye out for concerned adults and became skilled at recruiting their attention and affection. You've cultivated a close circle of friends as a substitute family and in choosing a mate may have picked one with the type of close-knit family you always wished you had. Initiative: You believe you are master of your fate. Resilient children are often hardworking. They welcome challenges and develop clear and realistic goals. Resilient adults manage to build secure and happy homes for themselves and their children.
Humor: You keep your pain in perspective by finding the lighter side of your troubles. Children from unhappy homes often use humor to defuse difficult situations. Resilient adults are often adept at finding the absurd amid the pathos of their troubled pasts. Morality: Your painful childhood prompted you to develop a sense of compassion and concern for others. Resilient children early on develop a clear sense of right and wrong. Resilient adults often take risks to pursue what they think is right and find meaning in serving others. It's important to acknowledge your
inner strengths, the Wolins say, in order to develop a healthy dose
of survivor's pride. That in turn will help you avoid the victim's trap-the
mind-set that dwells on pain rather than accomplishment. "Get revenge
by living well instead of squandering your energy by blaming and faultfinding,"
the Wolins suggest.
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